


Decepticats

by Spoon888



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Accidental Cat Acquisition, Cat Ownership, Cats, Did I Mention Cats?, Gen, M/M, Starscream Doesn't Even Like Cats, Starscream-Centric, because cats, or so he tells himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:51:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/pseuds/Spoon888
Summary: Hey, if Thundercracker can have a dog in IDW, Starscream can be a Crazy Cat Lady in G1.





	Decepticats

**Author's Note:**

> I used to think I didn't like cats but we're looking after my grandma's whilst she's on holiday and I was a fool. 
> 
> An utter fool.

 

Starscream hated doing recon like some basic drone. He wasn't built for it. And five hours of sitting perfectly still on the tarmac of an airfield as human filth milled about him, blathering on about insignificant nonsense, was enough to test anyone's patience.

It had taken every ounce of willpower not to leap into bipedal form and start shooting when two squishies, dressed in luminous orange, touched him. A filthy boot on his wing, greasy hands smearing the glass of his cockpit, hideously soft fingers on his controls. One of them bent at the waist and checked his undercarriage. Starscream felt his armour lock tighter at the indignity of it. How humiliating.

"-one of ours?" Said the squishy dangerously close to losing the top half of their body if Starscream chose to snap his cockpit shut. Which he was seriously considering.

"Unscheduled landing," the other replied from near Starscream's rear. "Haven't seen the pilot as to why."

"Been refuelled." The squishy was touching things again. It tapped at the glass of Starscream's fuel gage, "Everything looks in order."

Of course everything was in order. He was a vastly superior machine to what these primitive creatures were familiar with.

"-gonna check the flight report." The other squishy said, and Starscream tensed at the curious edge to it's tone as it stepped down, the weight of it jostling Starscream. "Looks brand new in here, seats not even creased..."

"Weird..."

The rest of their conversation was lost as they moved off, heading towards the hangers. Starscream would have slumped out of form had it not looked suspicious. The idiots had left his cockpit wide open and it was causing a draft, but closing it would have a hoard of Autobots descending on him faster than he could say 'inappropriate groping'.

Megatron was going to pay for making him do this.

He was just thinking of all the unpleasant ways he would reap revenge on his sadistic leader when something landed on his wing with a thud.

He froze as tiny feet padded across his armour, a wet nose sniffing.

It was a _thing_. Vermin. A parasite infested _creature_ with a tail and claws and _teeth_.

Starscream gave a subtle little shake to his wing, trying to get it off.

The mangy creature opened his maw and emitted an inquisitive 'mrow' noise. Two big eyes locked onto the open cockpit.

"No," Starscream muttered lowly, flicking his wing, "Off. Get. Off."

The feline creature bounced on his wing, impeccably balanced and not at all alarmed by his attempts at dislodging it. It continued on it's merry path across his wing, reaching the edge of his cockpit, giving him a sniff before cautiously stepping in.

"Out," Starscream snarled at it through his radio, shaking more vigorously now that he was internally compromised.

The feline dropped lightly into the pilot's seat. Starscream violently rolled it back on it's tracks, but sharp claws dug into the leather and held. The creature hissed. Starscream hissed. He shifted on his landing gear as he gave another shake to get rid of it.

"Hey!"

The engineers had returned from the hanger. One of them was pointing at him.

"I knew it!" One yelled as the other began running back towards the hanger, "It's one of them! It's a Decepticon!"

The humans started mobilising. Great. Cover blown.

He slammed his cockpit shut and ignited his engines, shooting forwards in his landing gear to at least have the satisfaction of chasing a few defenceless squishies across the tarmac as they screamed and ran for cover, before taking off. The human's didn't have a hope in the Pit of catching up with him, neither did any Autobot reinforcements.

He threw in a playfully smug barrel roll as he avoided ground fire, laughing sadistically.

 

* * *

 

" _He_ wants to see you," some grunt snidely informed him as he stepped out of the tower and into the underwater base.

Starscream didn't have to guess as to who 'he' was.

Megatron was in what was once the _Nemesis's_ Navigation hub -a dark, windowless room with a floor that acted as a moving star map. It had been damaged in the crash, glass cracked and pixels glitching from water damage. It was a grand show of technology and opulence that no longer even worked.

It's eeriness made it one of Megatron's favourite places to brood.

"You blew a simple recon." Megatron was in the darkest corner of the room, the swirling, flickering galaxy below cast his face in a violet hue. He looked more worn than angry. "Can't even outwit the native life forms now?"

"It was a waste of time," Starscream kicked at a shard of loosened screen. The glass clacked against his pede. Megatron's optics lifted away from the flickering galaxy. "The squishies knew nothing of the Autobot's patrols."

"Perhaps, had you actually carried out my orders you might have learnt something?" Megatron said in that condescending tone that really made Starscream want to shoot him. "Instead of bailing out the moment you grew bored."

"I didn't bail out, I was attacked!"

"Oh, were you?" Megatron didn't sound concerned or interested.

"Yes, by vermin!" Starscream took a threatening step forwards, about to retell the (only slightly exaggerated) horrors that had almost befallen him, when something _moved_ inside him. He froze, optics bright with alarm.

"Primus forbid," said Megatron sarcastically, oblivious to his sudden shift in temperament. "We're all so thankful you made it back in one piece."

"Well I- yes," Starscream fidgeted, trying to keep a straight face when something sharp dug into the pilot's seat of his cockpit. A slow dread sunk into him. He started stiffly moving back towards the exit, "I- if that's all, glorious leader, I must be- I have to-"

"Glorious leader?" Megatron said with interest, "Don't believe flattery will save you from punishment for your ineptitude, seeker."

Starscream would protest the 'ineptitude' comment had he not had much greater concerns at the present moment. He gave a few short bows, still backing away, tripping on a crack in the flooring. "I wouldn't- I don't- I have to go."

Megatron arched a brow, "I'm not finished, Starscream."

The creature that had infiltrated Starscream's cockpit began pressing a random sequence of buttons across his control board, getting dangerously close to the manual switch to fire off his missiles.

"Just- comm me the rest of the lecture!" Starscream yelled, at a loss for an explanation to give. He clamped servos over his cockpit and fled the room.

 

* * *

 

One very uncomfortable sprint back to his quarters later, Starscream opened his cockpit and ejected the parasite from within. As suspected, it was the feline from the airfield.

It screeched as it fell, but in an impressive feat of gymnastics managed to twist around and land on it's feet. Infuriated, Starscream rushed to stamp on it, but it hissed and dived under his berth. He activated his null-rays and began to lift the edge of the berth. There would be a mess to clean, but it would be worth it- it-

His door pinged.

With a snarl he dropped the berth back into it's legs. The creature underneath emitted a low yowling noise. He sneered at the shadow under the berth and went to answer the door.

"Thundercracker," he huffed at his trine-mate. Whatever he wanted could wait. He went to reseal the door.

"Wait." Thundercracker's thruster blocked the doorway, "We've been called out. Aerialbot's in our airspace. Megatron wants rid of them. Apparently... they followed _someone_ back here."

Starscream didn't comment on the accusatory tone and shoved Thundercracker aside as he stepped out. "Let's make this quick," he said, casting a worrisome glance back at his door as he left.

If he came back to discover the vermin had multiplied in his absence he was going to flood the entire base.

 

* * *

 

Starscream stumbled over the threshold of his quarters, left leg stinging with every step.

He had taken down four Aerialbot's, sent them squealing into the waves in quick succession, one after the other. Their leader, that jumped up mechling Silverbolt, had taken exception, shooting wildly. One lucky shot nailed Starscream in the leg.

Regardless, It had been a successful outing. Starscream had seen the proud glint in Megatron's optics when he'd landed, but it was marred by the crease of concern in his brow. Starscream hid his limp, still smarting from their earlier disagreement. The last thing he wanted was the old mech sniffing around him in Medbay. He could repair himself well enough.

He dropped into a hard metal seat besides his desk, yanking open a drawer and riffling through it. He swung his leg up onto the desk, wincing, and began removing the shin armour to get at the fried wires beneath.

It was difficult working on himself. He had to deactivate sensors before taking the welder to his circuitry. When he accidentally spliced two wires together he threw his tools down, cursing.

"Mroaw."

Starscream jumped, then twisted in his seat. Ah yes, he'd almost forgotten. His pest.

"What are you looking at?" He snarled.

The striped orange face of the tiny feline stared out from beneath the berth at him, pointed ears forwards facing. A low soft rumbling came from it.

Starscream honestly didn't have the energy to kill it tonight.

"Were I not injured, you'd already be dead." He told it.

The feline simply settled it's head atop it's feet, paws kneading at the floor.

 

* * *

 

Dealing with his pest infestation fell further down the list of priorities than Starscream had realised after a hellish week of botched raids and never ending base repairs. He was on the floor besides his berth, pouring over the Aerialbot's most recent flight formations, looking for a way to exploit them, when something small and furry brushed his leg.

He jumped, lifting his datafile, ready to bring it down on the intruder-

"Meow?"

Starscream lowered the datapad with a grimace, "You're still here? I thought you would have starved to death by now."

The feline sat on it's hindquarters, staring up at him with those huge blue eyes. It's tail swished. "Mroaw."

"Get out of here!" He snapped, annoyed that it didn't flee his mere presence. So much for organic evolution.

The feline flinched, crouching low to the floor, ears folding back, before it darted away, tiny feet slipping on the polished floor. There was a bang and soft thud when it managed to squeeze itself into the ventilation shaft.

Starscream made a mental note to seal it down when he was finished with this.

 

* * *

 

Four nights later he discovered how the feline had survived so long.

With the Nemesis being a sunken warship at the bottom of the planet's ocean, one wouldn't think vermin posed a particular problem. Leaks, yes. Vermin, not so much.

Yet the majority of the faction were unclean, neglectful rustbuckets that traipsed all manner of filth from the surface back into the base including, but not limited to, insects, foliage, trash, mud, and _rats_. Starscream blamed the Constructicons most of all. Their penchant for lounging around in their altmodes near human cesspits made them prime real estate for rodents looking for a dry warm place to birth their young.

Megatron said the rat problem was not a priority. The majority lived unseen behind the bulkheads and beneath the decking, but unlike Starscream he hadn't seen a huge _soggy_ one dart out from behind an energon dispensary, so he had no idea as to the extent of the problem.

And he certainly wouldn't say it 'wasn't a priority' if he'd just opened his desk drawer only to have something grey and furry drop out and start sprinting across his berthroom.

Starscream screeched in outrage and horror, null-ray already shooting after the rat, scorching the floor where he missed. It was a deft creature, mockingly swift. It fled for the safety of under the berth and-

A high pitched squeak sounded, and the fat grey rat disappeared beneath fast orange paws.

Two huge blue eyes stared up at him, and even with disgusting vermin hanging from it's mouth, Starscream couldn't help but smirk at the feline.

"I suppose you do have your uses," he granted, lowering his null-ray.

The feline swished it's tail at him, and dragged it's prize out of sight.

 

* * *

 

The feline was brave and it was clean, and most importantly, it was a swift and ruthless killing machine, more than capable of keeping Starscream's living quarters free of vermin- other than itself, of course.

For that reason, it was allowed to live. For now.

He knew more than the majority of his faction when it came to the complexities of organic life, but he was still somewhat unfamiliar with this planet's. Some quick research soon taught him that the feline was a domestic cat (which explained the stupidity), and that 'it' was in fact, a she.

Despite her invasion of his quarters, she kept mostly to herself, hidden away under the berth in recharge- or sleeping- whatever organics called it.

In Starscream's opinion she was incredibly lazy, and frankly, should be earning her keep.

"Cat." He ordered on his knees, peering into the shadows under his berth. "Come here, cat."

He shone a light under the berth and two glowing orbs reflected back at him. Ah, so she was awake. He extended a servo, "Cat."

Slowly, cautiously, one silent paw in front of the other, the cat began to creep towards him. Her neck extended, tiny pink nose twitching as she sniffed the tip of his digit. Whatever she scented must have been acceptable, as the next minute she butted her head against him, rubbing her chin against his digit.

Starscream withdrew his servo, and she followed it out from under the berth, twisting and twirling on the spot, lifting herself onto her hind legs as she danced to reach him again. Her mouth opened to emit that signature noise again, like a tiny pathetic scream.

"Meow."

"Enough of that," Starscream told her, and after a moment of consideration, decided to pick her up. It was a tricky manoeuvre. She may not have wanted to be picked up. She rushed away from his fingers but he managed to trap her between his servos and she stepped onto his palm.

He cupped his servos together to prevent her from rushing to the edge and falling to her death, but she quickly settled, curling up in the centre of his palm, a rumbling noise emitting from low in her chest. She was purring, much like Ravage did.

"I have a job for you," he told her, leaving his quarters and heading for the flight hanger, where he was sure he'd seen another rodent just days ago. "Your expertise is required elsewhere..."

 

* * *

 

His berth was too high off the floor for even her agile body to jump, so Starscream had to help her up. He understood that though organics were self heating to an extent, they needed a lot of insulation. Which explained the excess of orange fur the cat was incased in.

He had no idea why she kept loosing it though. Wherever she lay on his berth covers she left a patch of orange hairs. Disgusting. But tolerable. He'd rather that than her freeze. Who else would kill the rats?

It posed a problem with Megatron though. When the old scrapheap had decided to invade his quarters with little notice Starscream had barely had time to hustle the indignant cat into the ventilation shaft, let alone think to rid the evidence of her from his berth.

"What's this?" Megatron paused, his digits brushing over a tiny patch of hair. And considering he was one of the most oblivious mechs to be sparked it was just Starscream's luck that he would notice such a small detail.

"Nothing," Starscream caught his cheek and twisted him away and _distracted_ him as best he could, frantically shoving the covers off the berth and onto the floor behind his back.

Megatron probably wouldn't have questioned him again, given that he was now _distracted_ , but Starscream kept one optic on the ventalation shaft, watching for a flash of orange.

She didn't crawl out to greet Megatron as he feared though. Very sensible. She clearly had good taste in Cybertronians.

Better than him at least, he thought, as Megatron spent all night  _distracting_  him right back.

 

* * *

 

Between duty shifts and the recharge cycle Starscream would take the cat down to the chemical labs so he could work and she could catch her dinner. He secured her in his cockpit, tucking her into the leather seat, and made sure to walk evenly so not to jostle her.

She was temperamental, and the last time he had carried her like this Ramjet had knocked shoulders with him in the corridor and the bump had knocked her out of the seat. It had taken him twenty minutes to coax her out of the footwell, her hissing and swiping at his digits.

Today he would be more careful.

They made it to the chemical lab unscathed. He plucked her out and settled her carefully on the floor. She twisted and rubbed her chin against his thumb before trotting off under the tables, whiskers twitching.

He had been working for some hours when a crash and laughter sounded, obnoxiously grating _youthful_ voices. Soundwave's brats.

He slammed his beakers down, leaving his private cubicle to investigate what vandalism was occurring now.

"-see it?"

"Under that desk, there, quick!"

"Hurry up before you-"

"Got it!"

Starscream rounded the corner just as Rumble crawled out from under the desk, his servos closed around something, a flicking orange tail poking out from between his digits.

Fury unlike anything Starscream had ever felt before exploded in his chest. He thrust a null-ray at the twins, stalking forwards with a thunderous, " ** _Put her down!_** "

The twins froze, optics bright behind their visors. The tail in Rumble's servos was still flicking, still alive.

"Screamer?" Frenzy questioned.

"Put. The cat. _Down_." He snarled, and his null-ray activated with a threatening hum. "Now."

The twins shared a perplexed and fearful look, before Rumble crouched, and slowly unfolded his servos.

The cat was indeed alive. She rolled off her back and onto her paws with an indignant shake of her head, before leaping down out of Rumble's cupped servos and sprinting back to Starscream. Starscream deactivated his null-ray and scooped her up, nudging her with his digit as he checked her tiny fragile body for damage, because if she _was_ damaged-

"You have a cat?" Frenzy asked, sounding awestruck.

Starscream drew the cat close to his chest, hiding her from view.

"We have a mutual understanding." He growled, "You are fortunate she is not injured-'

"We weren't gonna hurt her," Rumble snapped, "We just wanted a look."

"Look with your optics next time." Starscream snarled, unimpressed by their reasoning.

"What's her name?" Frenzy was still more interested in the cat than he was worried about Starscream's vengefulness. He came forwards, neck craned as he tried to peer at her.

Starscream spitefully held her higher. "She doesn't have a name. She's a cat."

"Then can we name her?"

"No!" Starscream snarled, because they would designate her something classless and infantile.

"How come Megatron lets you have a cat?" Rumble asked indignantly, and his tone suggested that he had had many a precious pet removed from his care under superior's orders. "That's favouritism."

Starscream considered lying, but Rumble and Frenzy were very likely to voice the injustice of it to at least Soundwave. And Soundwave would tell Megatron. And Megatron would have the cat thrown into the furnace- at best.

Starscream would have to confide in them, and play on their pathetically childish sentimentality.

"Megatron doesn't know." He said lowly, opening his cockpit and placing the cat inside, as if her hearing how dangerous an existence she lived would affect her emotionally. "He'll have her killed."

"Oh." The twins said in unison, sad little visors settled on Starscream's cockpit, watching the cat knead her paws into the leather seat through the glass. Starscream ignored the stabbing pains she was inflicting on him.

"Well..." The twins shared a glance with one another. "We can keep a secret-"

Starscream smirked to himself.

"-So long as you let us name her?"

Starscream scowled.

 

* * *

 

Artemis was a squishy name and Starscream was determined to hate it on principle, but the twin's alternative choice was Pumpkin ("because she's orange!" Frenzy had declared, amazed with his own genius) so Artemis it was.

He was pleased to see that despite the twin's obvious affection for her, she still preferred him, scratching herself against his armour, stepping between his pedes despite the risk of being stepped on, pawing at him for attention and meowing when she didn't get it.

She tolerated Rumble and Frenzy, but would dance out of their servos when her patience ran out, would scratch at their fingers should they let their guards down. Starscream appreciated that she couldn't be so easily won over by simple affection.

She had taken to sleeping in Starscream's shoulder vents, clearly seeking the warmth of expelled heat. Starscream had initially found the sound of her purring so closely to his audials discomforting, but no matter how often he removed her she came back again. Determined.

Starscream had long since given up trying to get his way with her.

He laid across his berth, one servo holding a live recon feed of the Autobot's Ark entrance, the other absently petting at Artemis. Before long a paw batted his digit away. He lowered it with a sigh. Fickle creature.

He felt her twist in the vent, and side-eyed her as she extended her rear leg and began to groom it. It was a revolting primitive manner of cleaning oneself. He had unsuccessfully attempted to bathe her himself, once, smuggling her into the wash racks. He had set the shower to purified water, a cooler temperature so not to burn her sensitive organic skin, and stepped under it with her.

He thought she'd teleported he had never seen an animal move so fast.

It had been a great betrayal of trust. She hadn't come out of her vent for three days.

Her grooming paused, and though Starscream was focused on the video feed in front of him, he knew she was staring at him, pupils blown wide.

Something wet and rough brushed his armour. He almost jumped. She was grooming him.

"Disgusting!" He announced, because he could tolerate a lot from this cat but he wouldn't put up with this. Artemis froze, ears pinned back, staring wide eyed. Her tail flicked.

"Don't look at me like that." He snarled, and moved to pluck her out of his shoulder vent. She tried to burrow in, but it was futile.

With a low angry meow, she was removed.

 

* * *

 

Artemis didnt rush out from under the berth to greet him one evening after his flight manoeuvres.

It wasn't too unusual. Some evenings his duties ran late and she took the initiative to hunt alone. She'd be back.

He thought nothing of it.    

 

* * *

 

"Where is she?" He cornered Rumble and Frenzy some days later.

The twins shared a glance, and Rumble leant in, voice low, "Who? Arty?"

"Who else?!" Starscream snarled. "Where have you two hidden her?"  
  
He had been searching since the night before. Artemis often wandered off, but Starscream hadn't seen her for five days now.

"We ain't seen her," Frenzy sounded worried, "Is she missing?"

Starscream didn't want to answer that question. Artemis wasn't likely to get herself lost, and she certainly had no way of leaving the base. If Starscream couldn't find her, and the twins weren't hiding her, then the alternative was that she had been found by someone else. And that didn't bear thinking about.

"Are you lying to me?" He demanded, almost desperate now.

"No!"

Starscream twisted away from them, ignoring their shouts of questions and offered help. Dread sunk it's claws into him, and every corridor he turned he half expected to find a blood mattered orange smear across the floor, where some glitch had killed his cat.

 

* * *

 

"You're distracted," Megatron commented at the end of the war council when Starscream hadn't left his seat alongside the others. "Was there something you needed?"

Starscream didn't look up, servos fisted in his lap. Megatron was using that low sultry voice he did when he thought he was being smooth and sexy. Starscream wasn't in the mood for it tonight. He wasn't in the mood for anything but vengeance.

Over a week now, and no Artemis. He was sure she was dead. That someone had killed her. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. 

"Starscream?" Megatron was closer now, but he didn't sound so wanton. "Is there a problem?"

It sounded mocking, whether Megatron meant it to be or not. Starscream forced himself to look at his leader, and couldn't wipe the snarl from his face.

Megatron would have killed Artemis without a second thought. Like stepping on an insect. He could have kicked her, stepped on her, wouldn't even have granted her death the dignity of his fusion cannon.

"Starscream-?"

"Did you kill my cat?!" The words burst free before Starscream could stop them, and now that they were out? To Pit with it. He stood, chair scraping loudly across the floor.

Megatron was frowning, "I beg your pardon?"

"My cat?!" Starscream repeated, advancing now. He jabbed Megatron in the chest, causing his leader to stumble back. "My fragging cat. Did you kill her?!"

"I have no idea-"

"She was this big!" Starscream showed Megatron the size between his digits, "Orange fur. Blue eyes. And she was _mine_. She was _my_ cat. Did you kill her?!"

He looked crazy. Megatron was looking at him like he was crazy. He felt like it.

Megatron watched him silently for a long moment, "...You have a cat?"

" _Had_ a cat." Starscream snarled. She was gone now, whatever had happened.

"I hadn't realised you were so fond of organic vermin." Megatron said carefully, and he still looked like he thought Starscream had grown another head.

"She wasn't vermin!"

Megatron pulled a face like he disagreed. "I haven't seen any ' _cats_ '" he said, sneering the word. "And if I _had_ -"

"Don't you dare hurt her," Starscream threatened, because if she was okay, was still out there, like Pit was he going to let Megatron harm her. "Don't you _dare_ -"

"This is a military base," Megatron rumbled, face stern, "Not a pet shelter."

Starscream had heard enough. He shoved Megatron and left, somewhat surprised not to hear the call back. If Megatron _had_ come across Artemis he would have killed her, but he just as likely would have gloated about it too.

It was just enough hope to keep searching with.

 

* * *

 

Rumble and Frenzy were just small enough to crawl through the ventilation shafts, but there were miles and miles worth of them. They'd wrangled their surprisingly compliant creator into the search as well as their siblings. Starscream was surprised Soundwave would go against Megatron orders and enable him- unless he planned on disposing of Artemis himself.

Starscream would kill him if he tried.

Some days later he received a summons from Megatron. Starscream was only surprised it hadn't come sooner. Megatron wanted him to refocus on his duties as Air Commander and cease searching for ' _that damn cat already_ '. He had hinted to it plenty enough already.

Megatron was in the Navigation Hub, stood in the centre of the glitching map for maximum intimidation value. Starscream didn't care. He folded his arms and cocked his hip, waiting for the argument to start.

"I believe I've found something that might belong to you." Megatron said evenly.

Starscream faltered. Not how he thought this conversation was going to go.

Megatron beckoned him with a finger and lead him towards the edge of the map screen where a huge chunk of glass had been broken away and was lying loose across the hole. Megatron crouched beside it, looked up at Starscream.

"I thought I'd heard something unusual," he explained, griping the slab of glass and sliding it away. And Starscream heard it too. Soft pathetic cries.

Starscream shot into action, dropping to his knees and shoving Megatron aside to see Artemis-

And ten smaller versions of her.

Nestled in the warmth of wires and circuitry in a makeshift (and likely deadly) nest, Artemis lifted her head from where she'd been grooming a ball of fluff, and meowed indignantly at him.

"You little harlot," Starscream breathed, too shocked to say anything else, but too relieved to be angry.

"You only mentioned _one_ cat." Megatron growled behind him. " _One_."

Starscream twisted to glare over his shoulder, "Evidently, she's multiplied."

"Mammals do not reproduce by mitosis," Megatron said, surprisingly knowledgable, "Where's the sire?"

"She must have been carrying when I brought her here," Starscream explained distantly. He counted the squirming, squeaking fur-balls. Definitely ten. Five orange. Four cream. One jet black. Starscream reached in and gently ran a digit over the black kitten's back.

"You didn't exterminate them," he realised.

Megatron shifted awkwardly behind him, "Yes well... You seemed rather fond..."

Starscream smiled at the awkward stiff old fool before straightening and clearing away more of the glass. "Well, they can't stay here."

"My thoughts precisely," began Megatron, "I can tolerate one cat, but-"

"This is no place to rear young," Starscream ignored him, "They'll need to be moved to my quarters. There I can monitor their development."

Artemis was accepting enough of Starscream handling her young, but there were two many of the wriggling squirming creatures for him to safely cup in his servos. He turned to Megatron, "Here."

Megatron looked alarmed but his servo opened, "You can't keep them, Starscream." He warned.

Starscream hummed, bending to collect the rest. "We'll see."

 

* * *

 

The kittens enjoyed Megatron more than he did them.

The old fool was recharging, snoring loud enough to raise the dead, and certainly enough to disturb sensitive kitten ears. Pleading mewls were enough motivation for Starscream to collect them from where they wandered the floor and lift them into the berth.

He was only slightly resentful of their interest in Megatron over him. Apparently he was far more enjoyable to clamber over and knead their claws into.

The black kitten, still unnamed but privately thought of as 'Nuisance' with how often Megatron called him it, boldly stalked across the recharging warlord's face first. Starscream watched as a tiny black paw extended, ready to poke at the delicate components of Megatron's offline optic.

A second later Megatron woke with a pained shout and ten tiny fluff balls darted for cover.

"Fragging _cats_ ," Megatron snarled, scrubbing at his face angrily. "I said I want them gone by the end of the week!"

Starscream nodded distractedly, reaching up to scratch a purring Artemis nestled in his shoulder vent. "What ever you say, glorious leader..."

Megatron could prise his cats out of his cold dead servos. 


End file.
